Sunday, August 22, 2010

A New Ruth Truth

A New Ruth Truth that I am going to have to practice.


Never leave a conversation, meeting with your head not fully engaged in the greeting and the leaving.

Some of you may have already figured out I am rather outgoing, multi-tasking, out- spoken little bundle of energy. I am usually very energetic and love people, ideas, travel, and learning.

Well maybe I do not always enjoy the learning but I am always thankful for insight as to how to make myself a better person.

Is your life a mess? Great!! you are getting a message! STOP! LOOK! and LISTEN!

One good thing about getting older --- you realize you are in a mess sooner than you use to be able to do. Therefore it is a shorter path to try to turn back! LOL

In very recent history I have offended and put-off two very important people to me. So much so they erased me from their friendship circles. In both cases I thought our relationship was strong and could not have been shattered by a minor misunderstanding.

Here was my problem: Two very important people in my social network crossed me off their list as a friend.

At first I was devastated; beyond comprehension, could not figure it out.

But being the detective, scientific mind that I am: I looked for clues.


HERE I AM ENTERING MY DISCLAIMER!! ok readers, observations are just that --- not necessarily a variable, sometimes bias by the researcher, but in brain storming there are no wrong thoughts, so I did not censor my observations for bias--- I am just stating them for scientific research at this time. Having said that:

My first observation is they are both men.
They are both men of at least 60 years of age.
They are intelligent, interesting, multi- talented, highly community-involved men.

They both find it difficult to multi-task more than about 3-4 things at once.
or carry on three conversations at once.

I actually enjoy carrying on multi-topic conversations with some of my very quick minded women friends. We can talk along, for literally hours quipping along at a rather quick rate -- jumping from subject to subject without a missed step and actually think we had a great time. It is a guilty pleasure of mine.

I have heard men do it naming players, teams, events easily seamlessly jumping from team to team, decade to decade. But that is the only time I have heard men do it --- and it is usually limited to one sport at a time. unless they start debating the greatest athlete of all time.

So slowly my eyes open to the possible root cause of my discord with these men I admire.

Being the BOLD little soul that I am: I examined with the men what was it that set their opinions against me. In both cases, I was not engaged in my saying good-bye, nice to see you, thank you for your help, let's see each other again, etc.

In one case, I was cleaning bathrooms with another lady. The lady and I were discussing past relationships that went bad. I actually think, by talking about the hurt, anger, we start scrubbing harder, and get some of that frustration out. Cleaning bathrooms is an excellent activity to do while sharing with other women bad relationships. My own kind of Gestalt therapy.

Well, then we finished the bathrooms and were discussing some of the ideals for future cleaning. And somehow I said to the other woman in ear shot of this man. And when I shut the door on a relationship; I SHUT THE DOOR and never return.

Then for several weeks I was gone with travel and then illness.

Next scenario (scientific observation searching for my RUTH TRUTH)
I belong to an organization with a body of officers that show the typical embodiment of most organizations. Some members want to try everything, do everything, While some members want all procedures, policies, activities to stay the same, to take little risks. The majority of the members listen leaning this way or that way depending on the subject. This is rather balanced and typical of most board ran activities.

Well, not my primary job but I offered to help with a project. The meetings are once a month. In order to accomplish a particular deadline expressed by some, I felt the project should be expedited this month.

So I asked permission to send an email to members concerned to see if we could get an agreement before the organizations meeting so that the approval process could go through smoothly.

In the past I have been accused of over stepping my "position" as a member to suggest, ask pertinent questions.

I was told yes but warned to make it clear this is a one time logistic job, and to keep careful notes, so happily I went on my way. EXCEPT!!!! I said before I left. "I believe this being a rather easy tasks for all to agree to unless someone digs in their heels and just refuses to approve the project." and I added "in that case we will just have to fore go our deadline and leave it for another time next year to complete."

By "someone" (digging in their heels)To whom I was referring were members that may question why I would write the email, suggest the project needed more examination, or need a committee report.

So I went home wrote and sent my email......

I started off with "I am not a chairperson or in charge of anything.....I am a clerk asking for input to this project to be presented at the September meeting....."

OH WOW!!! the backlash has been almost unbearable.......the "cold shoulder" ..... the threats ..I was accused of being ANGRY and in a MIFF.

In both cases; other members stated their opinions and things just grew and grew to be A MESS but Bless those Messes Because they usually carry a Message.

All because instead of staying in the moment and reassuring all was well---- I let my thoughts wonder to a made up possible problems that has not even happened with a proposal.

ERGO RUTH'S NEW TRUTH do not allow my head to drift around to other people other situations when I am greeting or taking leave of someone. I must stay focus, make eye contact, and be genuine to the moment.

In the first case I believe the damage has been restored and will be fine.

In the second case. I am asking for prayer. God is a good and merciful God. He has resolved and brought me through my mistakes (messes) before many times. I live only because of the Mercy and Grace of God.


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