Doing It Right................ How did I learn how to do "it" right? Like all things---doing it right.......... is taught. Rather it is a sport, meal etiquette, running a machine. We learn by observation, trail and error, and research.
Doing It Right ---- looks so simple. BUT if you do not understand the purpose of the excercise --- you will never DO IT RIGHT.
Every culture, family, have unique and practiced traditions. Why then in weddings, funerals, burials are those practices so important?
Continuity, Respect, and Teaching. With the breaking up of families, America is losing the meaning of "family continuity". Weddings, Funerals, Birthday Parties bring that continuity back.
We never had "pinatas" at our birthday parties. But birthday parties with pinatas are a staple now at our birthday parties--- it honors, gives continuity to the Hispanics in our extended families.
Family gatherings can expand and adopt new ways. But imagine if our family could not have embraced the tradition of the pinatas. But how did we learn to add pinatas --- by listening-- not insisting on our way. And a openness to learn.
But so is true to our parents--- I watched, I asked, I learnt family tradition from my aunts and grandmothers. I remember at my aunt Bessie's funeral-- we were at her daughter's home and I was assisting with the preparations, Several relatives were impressed with my knowledge of "what to do". They asked me how I learnt that --- I answered my mother taught me----my mom said "No I didn't" and I quipped "I know but I wanted to give you credit anyway."
So how do you DO IT RIGHT? as mentioned by understanding the purpose. Weddings are not to get drunk and pick up bridesmaids. Birthday Parties are not competition of material things. And funerals are not Bar B Qs.
Weddings are to witness a bond by two people and to "agree" to what God has joined to let no man put asounder. Not to bad mouth one or both of the couple.
Birthdays are to wish well for the milestone of the "guest of honor".
Funerals are to offer solace, support, respect to the entire immediate family. Example you go to the funeral to support your best friend but you are snotty to her alcohlic sister, You are WRONG! That sister had a lot more right to be there than you did and you should just stay home if you can not be civil!!! Not only be civil but to truly love, honor, and respect that person's grief and loss.
Weddings, Birthdays, Funerals are not a time for judgement, criticizm, or hatred.
So go to Weddings to honor the couple and vow to protect this union of God, go to Birthdays that allows you to honor the milestone of the guest of honor. Attend funerals to show respect, support and love all of the "grieving" ones. Or go as a guest of someone (but as a guest---you get to have NO OPINION about others) ---- but if you have to "judge: the couple, birthday person, or griefing family --- then stay away.
to honor others
WHAT IT IS NOT:
Bragfest, obligation, or doing someone else a favor.
Do it with all your heart--- or do not do it at all.